HELPING THOSE WHO ARE STUCK IN THEIR LIVES
SUFFERING AND/OR LIVING AT A LOWER LEVEL OF EXISTENCE
The weak, the worriers, those who would do us harm - all have a way of being, doing, and thinking that are all products of "what they know" (and "don't know").
They are not at fault, for it is their paths that have determined where they are at this point in life and at this level of knowledge that they are at.
No person is permanently stuck in these choices among the ways to be, do, and think.
Even the worst of us can be changed immensely IF he/she will put in the time to learn what works better in life for them - the only question is whether they will do what is needed, and, correspondingly, whether your effort will have sufficient payoff for you to be involved with them in the first place - or would it be best to just walk away, to do something else that will provide more value. You must be careful to wisely choose what to do here, as it can be a sinkhole of fruitlessly spent effort. Beware!
Since a person will always continue on the path and trajectory they are on if there is no intervening force, if you want to help you must be that intervening force.
As that force, you can provide "linear" help, where there is a "one to one" payoff - one unit in produces one unit of payoff. Helping with the dishes, making someone feel a little better for the moment... all "good" and all one for one.
However, if you help to cause a person to choose a different path in life where he will bring in "forces" (resources, learning) on a regular basis that will improve his life, then you are causing something that has ongoing and compounding value - which ends up being immensely greater than a one to one payoff. And most potently if you are able to find someone who is willing and someone who you have the capability of helping to gain a growth mindset that will serve them for life and have a huge payoff, then you have contributed at the very highest.
And if you can have those people contributing to others, then the payoffs will compound even more, to 100 times more, even to a 1000 times more.
If you are to use your time wisely, except for where there is truly unbreakable obligations (which is rare, far more rare thatn people allow for), you would not even
bother with others who don't adopt this, who don't show a level of coachability and willingness to add their own force to making progress. If something is too much effort and you are providing the energy, the force, to make it happen, but it ends up with their adding their own force and will to it, then forget it - you have many more opportunities for doing good elsewhere, in fertile soil that you can seed to grow magnificent "value" crops.
If someone says "I really want to reinvent my life!", but always is too busy to do so, then it may be best to just go elsewhere. The person probably really does want to escape the dilemma of life he has put himself in, but he may be held back by fears, where it is difficult to let go of the old ways and to embrace a true growth mindset. if something is getting in the way and it doesn't look like things will change, go elsewhere to make your contribution.
If you spend effort, be sure to ask "what is the payoff ratio going to be? What is the value delivered. If you find one person who ignites and lives the growth mindset, it will automatically produce increasing value consistently, for the person and to some extent for all he/she comes into contact with. That is the place to focus your energy, the place to seek to invest in. Forget the rest.
SITUATIONS AND QUESTIONS
Situation 1. I'm assigned by my church to visit and support this person.
Of course, if that is of value to you, you are producing "life value" for yourself, appreciating who you are and how you are contributing to the world.
But I would suggest that you might think better of it. I don't mean that you should stop it, but that you should think it out more. Perhaps it would be better to limit your time in this if you are just "spittin' in the wind", doing little good for the person, whose life will not truly be impacted (other than for a fleeting moment that disappears into nothingness).
And ask where could I contribute more value.
Perhaps the answer might even be: by my becomeing a stronger more powerful person and better example of how to live, with greater wisdom to share. That might mean that you would "selfishly" concentrate on your own learning and development of wisdom, with a benefit to yourself plus the bonus of highly probable great benefits to others as a "side effect."
Situation 2: I have church duties to get out there and create a positive image for the church and now I also feel an obligation (and a desire) to help the community.
Well, good. But if we merely accept duties assigned to us, we are most likely not doing that which is of the most value to ourselves or to the world.
If we don't step back and decide what is of the most value and THEN choose which things to do, we are cheating ourselves of much value in our own lives and most likely producing only a small fraction of the benefit to the community that we could produce.
If we keep our head down, keep on being busy and being reactive (to the pressures that fall upon us), instead of looking up to see whether what we are doing is of the highest value, we are not living life, we are just being automatons responding to what comes upon us, products of others' expectations and agendas.
One fellow I know is doing what he is obligated to do, burdened down by it, stressed, anxious, wanting to reinvent his situation, wanting to spend more time with his spouse (one of his highest values) but falling far short of it - but just living the life determined by circumstances and by others.
If he stepped away for a committed amount of time and would complete his thinking enough, he could choose what is of the most value, drop what is of the least, increase his contribution by at least tenfold and lower his stress level to virtually zero. But, alas, he's too busy... He is stuck in a "fixed mindset", defending and simply living groundhog day over and over and over...
Is he inspired or is he driven? Has he asked the question, what moves, touches, and inspires me", as the first question! Perhaps changing people's lives at a deeper level, perhaps helping younger people learn character and what is good in life, perhaps... It is worthwhile truly exploring and completing that inquiry...
