THE WRONG GOAL FOR THAT TYPE OF PERSON?
A PROFESSOR TRYING TO BE A SUCCESSFUL EXECUTIVE...
Unedited, but very clear!
When a long-retired, kind, people pleasing more intellectual type who loves the contact with other people (to recognize him) has an unfulfilled fantasy of finally proving himself to be a capable executive who can create great resuls, he is stuck in a useless, life wasting struggle.
There is no fit for "the dream", as he is perfectionistic, afraid of disapproval and of making a mistake - among the list of items that are antithetical to achieving that dream. He "believes" in these "limitations", whereas a successful powerful person would have gotten rid of them and no longer be burdened by them.
He somehow thinks he can, as he is, accomplish what he wants. But that is impossible!
So, now, the question is: How does he get in touch with the reality and accept it? (And then, hopefully, actually devise the plan to enable him to achieve a greater life in a way that actually works for him, as we can accomplish anything we set our mind to and devote sufficient time to.)
LOOK AT WHAT IS IN THE WAY
There is example after example of behaviors and beliefs and habits that conflict with and currently make impossible his "dream" (or compulsion?). [He can overcome and "redo" these, however, if he is willing to commit the time to followthrough to complete them.)
He has practiced these behaviors and repeated these beliefs for years and years and, in a sense, they have "become him" and he has "become them." Of course, these have not really "become him" as it has been proven that we can alter anything that is not permanently wired in. He has only "habitualized" those behaviors, by repeating them over and over and getting some sort of payoff, a pure good one or a short term payoff in terms of relief or in terms of not facing a fear.
Of course, we all do this habitualization and grooving-in of habits, as they serve us because they take little effort and little thinking and we believe that they will accomplish what we want (though we often fail to correct the beliefs after they do not accomplish the result we want!). It seems that, when we are down in the weeds of life, we fail to see the cost of the beliefs behind these costly behaviors and we persist in doing harm (or creating less good) to ourselves.
Stepping back and inquiring
Only by stepping back and thinking and reflecting and asking the questions such as: (just glance at them for now, to get the general idea, as we'll tie them down later)
How does this serve me or not serve me?
Is there any new belief that would be better?
How can I determine what is true and what is not?
How can I create a new belief that serves me (for the long term in total and is, therefore, true)?"
At the basic level, we can look at what does not serve us and then do the various level of beliefs processing (see link below) and one by one change of the beliefs to what is true and correct and workable.
All of it must start with taking whatever is big and complex and tackling each of the little pieces one at a time to construct a new way of being and living for greater happiness.
He would being by journaling the "sentences" in the conversations that you have with yourself that cause harmful behavior and/or negative emotions. Then do "the work" in processing them. (Link to the beliefs forms after reading Changing Beliefs.)
What steps are needed?
In addition, it is time for him to look more deeply and to go through the steps that would be necessary for him to arrive at being a successful executive.
Yes, that would be difficult - unless one gave him/herself permission to do a "quick and dirty" brainstorming-like write up (it must be in writing or it will go nowhere) of what it will take - as an overview piece to review when further planning.
It might have a little bit on
What would get in the way or what do I need to change in order to 'be' that way"?
What beliefs need to be different?
What fears would hold me back?
What training, counseling, and learning would be needed?
Just write down the first thoughts that come into your head, taking 15 to 30 minutes only (we will not solve this puzzle or do the full plan for now!).
And then "organize" the thoughts, perhaps writing them in some order that makes sense.
And then we'd add in more of the steps that need to be taken. And then, we ask:
Is it possible to do all of those things?
Do I have enough time and/or enough motivation to spend the amount of time required?
Have I just been living in "vague city", without looking at the specifics and the reality?
Write out your thoughts and reflections overall for now, perhaps doing this exercise from the viewpoint of The Objective Observer (nonemotional, fact based, clear headed and in highest thinking state, using logic and no false emotional thinking).
How do you do this process?
You simply take all of these questions and make them into a "form" of sorts, taking all of the questions above (and perhaps adding a few of your own) and list them with some space for you to put in the answers.
Then you proceed quickly through "Round 1" of answering the questions, skipping over the one's that you draw a blank on, writing in answers that are not grammatically correct or complete but good enough for the "barfing out" of the bits of data so that we can see them splattered all over the paper.
You will, believe it or not, find that you have through this process "naturally" formed a solid basis for a better decision after spending only an hour.
It would be strongly recommended that you put this still rough writing piece aside for a day or so and then revisit it with the goal of making a decision or at least making a plan laying out the steps of investigation and gathering of facts, getting advice, etc. that you will need to reach the decision, setting aside the time on your calendar and tickling it for action.
But, you might say, "I don't know what to do in what order of all of these things I have to do to improve my life! It's so confusing!"
Well, the solution to that quandary is to do this right now (or the soonest possible), period! (Don't let yourself dwell on this, just do it!) Don't think about or wonder about other things to put in there. Just do this piece for now. Do nothing else. Don't allow distractions. Don't try to invent a better way. Just do it - now!
Then take it and discuss it with someone to further process and complete your decision.
Then, depending on your decision, write down all the steps that you might take to proceed forward in "solving the problem" of what to do. (Use the "solving the problem" forms and the planning forms.) Put these each behind tabs (you decide the label and follow the basic outline on the site) in your LifePlan notebook.
Note: Yes, this process does take time, so most people don't even start and many stop before they finish the process. THIS TIME you MUST continue on through to devise a great plan, so that you can finally live the life of your dreams!