CREATING EMPOWERING SELF-CONVERSATION
WHO BEST TO TALK TO THIS WAY
ASK YOURSELF THIS, FIRST
Suppose you had an enemy who mostly put you down and was negative about your plans.
Suppose you spent lots of time with him/her.
Wouldn’t that be someone you would not allow into your presence?
Now, make a rational choice that you will now be committed to.
__ I will allow this person to be in my presence.
__ I think too much of myself to allow that. I commit to not allowing this person into my presence.
(You can very probably see where we are going with this…)
HOW WOULD THIS APPLY TO YOURSELF?
So, if that person was a made up person within yourself, wouldn’t you do the same thing?
You’ve created a false person that somehow you have allowed to be seen as real. You have set up a lie and you believe it to be true, with no concrete evidence. In fact, the evidence, if you researched and read about this, is overwhelming that there is no truth and no workability in having this 'person' within you. In fact, there is much harm, as it robs people of much happiness and fulfillment and holds them back. (See Personas, Roles, And Personality Types.)
Without going through the whole thing about how we created this “Critic/Judge” person, let's state this: you have created a “mechanism” you believe works to motivate you, but more often it de-motivates you. And, of course, if it is a destructive mechanism, then you simply need to create the opposite. (Duh!) See Blame, Criticism, Resentment, Forgiveness - All The Same Source, All The Same Solution and, later, the “Soul Without Shame” book.
WHAT TO DO
There are two first parts to do here. One is to examine all the beliefs that are below the sentences said by the Critic. The other is to simply say the opposite, as long as it is true or possibly true and it is positive.
The new “person” within you might be called “Supportive Best Friend”, which is really just a part of the (figurative) compassionate adult within you. You would simply only say those things to yourself that an outside compassionate, supportive friend would say and you would not tolerate anything less than that.
__ I am willing to commit to not tolerating any less than a compassionate, supportive
treatment of myself.
__ I commit to permanently installing my Supportive Best Friend fully and
accepting no less.
I will now commit hereafter, to the best of my ability, to:
__ Empower and motivate myself and others.
__ Reassure and calm myself, and others, as needed.
__ Have compassion for myself and others.
__ Reinforce myself for my strengths and values.
__ Freely and often praise myself, and others.
__ To fully and compassionately accept for myself, and others, any mistakes and
__ This is it, period. I will do my best to permanently install this.
__ I realize this may take some practice. I will not criticize myself when I make a
mistake.
__ Other than a real threat to my life or a significant loss of a loved one, I know that
if I experience feeling bad, sad, angry, helpless, ugly, guilty, overwhelmed, depressed,
insecure and fearful, it means that I am engaged in negative thinking. There is some
mode of thinking that I could adopt that would have different effects.
__ I realize that if I do not put anything different into the space, the old stuff that is so
well-practiced will come back in. Therefore, I choose to establish enough new good
stuff to fill up the space. I commit also to continually take and re-form any negative
thoughts into empowering thoughts and to do this in writing and review them until
learned.
__ I admit to being a negative thinker.
__ I accept that this is a bad habit.
__ I commit myself to break this bad habit.
__ I commit to discovering and writing down these thoughts so that I know what they
are and to “re-forming” them into empowering conversations.
__ I commit to implementing these on a daily basis for the next 90 days or longer.
__ I commit to using “minimizing” statements, based on what is conceivably true,
when a critical thought pops into my head. (Use search engine for “Minimizing Statements.”
__ I have “tickled” this into my time management system and/or have someone or
something that will remind me. I will review page this weekly until I have finished
implementing it. (Take "stickies" and put them in places where you will see what you want to be reminded of.)
Doing this, and seeking help where needed, is guaranteed to dramatically change your life. I recommend you sit with someone who can take notes quickly and have the person listen for and write down the negative beliefs and statements. And, at least initially, someone else can review and help with the restatements, since some times we do not see them.
Welcome to a new world. Continue adding on the other pieces and your world will be absolutely incredible.
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