LOVE FABRICATIONS AND OUR SOCIAL SYSTEM
LEAVE IT AS A VAGUE BACKGROUND CONTROLLER OR MANAGE IT?
Email me if you are interested in this being developed further....Contact
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SOME OBSERVATIONS, POSSIBILITIES, AND COMMENTS...
It seems like "love makes the world go around" and "it's all about people and relationships". Yes, true in a way - on the surface - but it is deeper than that.
Indeed, if we want to better manage our lives to be happier, we need to look a bit deeper and understand a bit more - and then develop the tools to implement those insights to get the results we want in life. And those results would include getting rid of the many downsides and costs of being caught up in something we do not understand and being the victim of it.
Indeed, we will find that we are letting this area take over our lives, our time, our energy - and cause us unnessarily our worries, concerns, emotional pain, even our health. How many times have we been in agony over relationships (or just numbing out) or been controlled by what others might think?
Remember that everything happens in a step-by-step sequence, as this is a physical world. There is always cause and effect, where even a cause is an effect of a prior cause. So, if you think "love" is what motivates you, you might find out what motivates you to love - and see if that gives you any ideas how to better live life - of course, I'll do alot of the walking through this so that you don't have to start from scratch or wander around.
And remember that evolution is strictly based on the physical world and all that is at our base motivation is all around survival. All the processes and motivations are strictly mechanical, though we often don't want to confront it - but remember also that it is ourselves that create actual meaning in our lives, so it doesn't matter that the world is mechanical (and meaningless in itself).
Of course, we do not want to think of love as "a chemical motivation to have us procreate and stick around to raise the child", but that is its origin. We get "rewarded" for what causes the genes to continue onward - or, rather, those who have the chemicals that cause the behavior that causes the genes to survive are the ones who survive. (Yikes! Better read that again - and maybe read the piece on evolution to be sure you have the basic understanding of the facts and how all of this happened.)
And then there is "lust", often mistaken for love. It is a degree of being attracted to a particular type of person who is likely to survive and procreate well, with children who survive. We seem to "not know" why we are "in love" (when we are actually "in lust").
Sometimes it is simple. The "bad boy" appears to be powerful and thus the children will be protected and of course he will survive to have lots of children to pass the genes on. The woman with that shape will be a good bearer of children. That person who, upon tasting his/her saliva, has a different and complementary set of genes, will produce with me good strong children. (This is part of why those with similar genes do not turn us on. After all, "who wants to kiss your sister" - yuk!)
Sometimes it is more complex. Person A meets Person B and immediately, but not very consciously most often, recognizes traits of a dysfunctional parent (or some major caregiver) with whom there were problems that have never been solved. The primitive brain "thinks": "wow, this is exciting - I get an opportunity to resolve the problems that affected me so much and to settle this mental/emotional dilemma that has stuck in my mind!' and then, seemingly on its own, it says "I am excited, therefore I must be in love" - but of course it would never use that sophisticated level of language. So, we end up "in love", get together and try to fix the other person.
We justify it with various statements.
"Oh, he needs me"; "I must be here for him" [that is not a true or well-thought out statement and is also an unhappiness trap]. And then, somehow, we fail. Some of it is because the other person is simply dysfunctional and unlikely to change. Some of it is because we are trying to solve a problem not by thinking it out but by doing something that we erroneously believe will solve the problem!!!!
"Oh, he loves me." And in primitive-brain-think: "I want to be loved. It feels good. I feel safe. I need to be safe. Finally, after never being fully loved by my caregivers, someone loves me and will love me forever, so I'll be happy..." And, so on, and on, and on - but not a good basis for a real relationship. (Yes, it could be helpful in terms of encouraging one to have a relationship, but there is so much irreality and potential misunderstanding this it is unlikely to lead to a successful relationship. Remember that only 7% of marriages actually turn out to be happy...)
"This feels so good. I want to be with him and ride off into the sunset of forever love." This is a bit like being in love with love, in a sense, but it is actually projecting good chemical feelings into the future and thinking that the situation (him being romantic, for instance, or the newness feeling) will always be such that one feels good.
