Initial draft 1/31/14


"How to nurture yourself when you don't have money or you depend on someone financially, such that it makes one feel insecure?"


An interesting challenge.  I shall address it in my writings, as it is based on a core "dependency" and on believing artificial threats (thinking something is a danger when it really isn't) are real.    

Yes, it can be more difficult to run life with too little money.   And a feeling of being dependent on someone else financially can invoke great insecurity (which I address on the site as "uncertainty") - that is either a problem to be solved [not being financially independent] or a problem to gain perspective on [to see that it is not so great a problem, though obviously this requires a very detailed explanation].

Without further detailed information from you, and making some assumptions about what is behind this question, the major issues to work on appear to be these:.

1.  How to nurture yourself

Nurturing yourself in and of itself helps one feel better, and will offset some of the bad feelings that are caused from your fears. 

However, the other half of the process should be addressed in order to experience more of a gain.  While we can deal with the symptoms of a problem each time, it is far more effective to find the cause and to then solve it!   (Switch to The Site if you are reading this on a printed page and then link into Cause And Effect and also read the first 2 links in the sidebar.)

"Nurturing" oneself is a very big part of life - and a vital skill.  (See Self-Nurturing.)  And you'll need to commit, say, 40 hours to starting to master it as an essential skill.  By that I mean you must study it and, in the process, set up (and modify existing lists) a list of what you will do

The list should be prioritized in the order of the size of the potential benefit - and then you will have to schedule it into your days and weeks so that it is inserted into your days rather than left to chance.   [See "loving oneself" and the like on The Site, but also see the morning schedule examples on the site, as you need to be more "proactive" in your life and to reduce the "dependency" behaviors, which promote "passiveness" and "reactivity".   Read the links and the related links in order to nail down your clarity on what they mean.]

2.  How to learn enough to be financially independent

Though I don't know the specifics of your situation, I would suggest that you learn how to become financially independent. 

Naturally, this will require study and a sustained effort to gain sufficient expertise - but the value gained will be far greater than the time cost.  You would need to study this regularly, building up hopefully 5+ hours a week, reading recommended books and looking at some of the info on The Site.

This studying will be done in parallel while you are also studying how to be more emotionally intelligent and psychologically confident.

3.  How to develop more certainty in life.

Do the exercises that are linked in from the page on "sufficient certainty", especially those on the page Generating Certainty - The Certainty Generators

4.  How to stop dependency behaviors and change related beliefs.

As a residual from childhood, we hold false beliefs related to dependency.  We fail to see that we have all the "basic abilities" needed to build all the abilities to be effective in life.  (See the Dalai Lama quote on "all the equipment we need".)  

Essentially, this boils down to learning to shift from "victimhood" to "responsibility" in life - an absolute MUST if one wants to be happy.   This would include not allowing any victim behaviors (such as "complaining", "blaming", "self criticism" and the related items in this "syndrome" - you MUST learn, understand, and "own" Why There Is No Fault - as it is a central core to living a criticism free life.).

5.  How to do the necessary learning.

Without freeing up time to gain more mastery, it is obvious that mastery cannot be achieved, of course (as no "miracle knowing" will suddenly come upon you!).

To free up time, it is essential that you drop 80+% of your "low payoff" activities (such as television, being involved in what is not "relevant"...) and inserting into your schedule the high payoff activities of learning and studying so that you can "live the life of a life champion".

6.  What to do to regain full energy and health.

Those who believe they are dependent also tend to seek stimulation from food and substances and/or relief from anxieties, essentially allowing themselves to just be stimulation-relief reactive machines (see PokeyMan).  Setting up a list of what you will eat and what you will not eat (see The Site, but, of course, go beyond that) and then get rid of anything in the house that is a compromise and stock up on only healthy alternatives.  See and link into the links of interest:  Overall Discussion About Nutrition (and also the contents page link).

You MUST set up a super-routine for the morning (most likely) where you assure that you are taking care of your "grounding" needs for the day AND where you are exercising to feel better all day and to be more focused.  

7.  Making the commitment to mastery

You will need to list down what you need to master (to solve any perceived problems and to gain "self-efficacy"), prioritize them and set them up as goals. 

The biggest enabling decision is to commit to a certain number of hours per week - or you'll not progress quickly enough.  Let me know, please, what you commit to.

For perspective, read The Quickest Life Improvers discussion.  For some idea of what to do, review the "programs" listed on the Learning/Implementations Programs master page - and perhaps select some to follow.

There is more to do to tie this all down and to shift your life to complete self-dependency, physical health and energy and life mastery, but if you commit to the time and scheduling of time for doing this, you'll be travelling down the path and all of a sudden, along the way, you'll discover that you've shifted your "being" and your happiness substantially!

Let me know your questions and what you need (after you have, of course, tried to figure out first what you can, relying on your own thinking and initiative). 


Note:  When I use the term "The Site", I, of course, mean