THE MAN-ANGEL
SAVING MANKIND BUT NOT BEING WITH HIS WIFE, FAMILY AND HIMSELF
THE LESSONS TO BE GAINED, AND DECISIONS TO BE MADE
Daniel is presented here for you to gain insights and learning about how to not live life,
so that you can choose the opposite of his dysfunctional behaviors that are, as he puts it, "ruining his life." There is plenty of motivation and good intent there, but he does not use the most vital of all the behaviors needed to live a good life.
I write this not as a criticism of Daniel but just as a recognition of what "not yet knowing better" and not using the right learning methods can do to one's life. If you will but see the damage of not doing what works here, perhaps you will decide to do those key things that anyone can learn that will lead them down a path to the greatest life, not just a "good life", but the greatest life of all!
Following the links of your choice, you can learn what to do instead. While it is good, I think, to follow the story, you can go to to get the four things that would make the most difference and turn people's lives around - he violates all four. (And, yes, it does take some thinking in order to implement this!)
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A wonderful human being, an angel on earth, with the noblest of motives, contributing to others, self-sacrificing beyond reason, trying to do his best (always) while pushing to be the best in everything, taking it all on at once, no time for self or thinking...and living in an idealistic unreal world. [Please know that this is about observations and not about criticism for there is no valid basis for faulting someone for "not yet knowing".]
A hesitant voice, tenuous, as if waiting for the other person to approve or be friendly.
A sunken chest with shoulders rolled forward.
Doing what others want him to do, rescuing them, taking on all the burdens himself.
Overstressed, always too busy (though he keeps saying "this is only temporary" or "I don't have a problem, just some bad circumstances right now - but it never seems to get better...). Always full of anxiety, seldom relaxing. Always trying to fill up his schedule, even when he has time off - which means he is creating it so that he in reality has no time off. He is always trying to be "on", which no man can do!
Constantly apologizing for not giving enough attention to his family, promising to do better, but only sporadically following through, and seeming to think he can have it all. His promise is no longer respected, but tolerated sometimes when people are being patient and understanding but his behavior often creates anger and resentment much of the time.
He is asked: "How are you doing?" "Oh, ok...I guess...".
He has the common Westerner unrealistic expectations where he creates a "hero-like" other (others are so perfect, without flaw, beyond human capability) and then he has this unrealistic view of how good he should be - an unattainable level that is not at all something that is suitable for him. Indeed, this is one of the sources of suffering that the Buddha identified (see Suffering And Struggle - The Imaginary And Unnecessary Pain And Battles).
Criticized or harangued by others, often, trying to get him to change (an attempt at inappropriate and/or ineffective control). But to no effect. It is as if he is wrong for doing only that which he knows or for not knowing better.
But he is not "at fault", he just has limited knowing in certain key areas.
Alot of people might dispute that limited knowing, because he is very often giving monologues on all he knows about various subjects, especially self improvement areas. And he does have alot of information. But much of it is "unapplied", which means that he is missing the knowing to be able to manage to implement his knowledge - he is stopping short of "sufficient knowing" - he is lacking the learning needed for true success. And that also is not a fault or a criticism, but just an obvious observation, for it is always true that a person who "should know better" does not in fact know enough if that person hasn't successfully implemented what is supposedly known (but actually only "known of"). It is essential that readers understand the logic and truth of the basic principle behind Why There Is No Fault and why it is necessary to have Sufficient Knowing - Knowing Enough To Get The Results.
He accomplishes alot, but it is mostly through exceedingly high effort and often of low value. The bottomline is that he is a highly unproductive person, meaning the amount of impact per amount of time spent is relatively low compared to people who are truly successful.
In a sense, he meets the criteria for "successful despite himself". But he is successful mostly in his contributing to others (mostly outside of those who are the most important to him) because he devotes all of his time to it.
He is not successful at all if one uses the criteria for true life success - having peace of mind, low stress, happiness, and contributing high value to those he loves. Spouse and family take a back seat to urgencies and demands from others and from projects, which is what is true of all poor managers of time, as the "tyranny of the urgent" wins out over what is not currently demanding. He spends most of his time in Quadrants I, III, and, to relieve stress or to please others, in IV. [You should definitely master the idea of The Four Quadrants - Where Time Is Spent And The Results (Symptoms). Note the criteria in that piece of "I live in a world of stress, burnout, exhaustion, always putting out fires"!!!!!!!]
So, the question is, if we observe what is happening, "What information does he need that would close the loop to his having sufficient knowledge, i.e. to his achieving the key results he wants in life, which are mostly missing (except for being dramatically, excessivly high in contribution to others).
[If a person produces alot in a low value per unit area, it will cause him/her to miss the opportunity to produce many more total units by putting his/her effort into those areas where there is a high payoff per unit of effort.
In other words, he is producing alot of little units of lesser value and not picking the low hanging, high-payoff fruit in his life, where there is alot of value per unit and much more to be gained from life.
But he first needs to fully realize that reality or he cannot proceed. In a sense, he has to start where the "-oholics" all start, admitting that: "I am an urgencyoholic. I am an approvaloholic. I am playing victim in much of my life and I need to bring in a higher power, which is looking at what is going on and then gaining the knowledge to get the results I want in life."
No amount of praying will do it for him - only action on all key fronts will do it. Kind of a "have faith in God, but meanwhile row to the shore".
The "higher power" actually turns out to be that produced from using one's own higher brain to devise what works better in life.]
At this point in time, until his self-concept is repaired and strengthened, he should not be around any people who are critical of him, especially in-laws who are trying to get him to change but who do not really understand or have valid insights.
But the key struggle is to get him to see what is happening and have him spend the time learning about what works, as he is always too busy frantically trying to achieve and keep/get approval. Until he frees up the time to learn, things will not and cannot change.
Will we succeed in shifting his momentum?
Stay tuned.
Also, don't get me wrong. Despite all the friction holding him back, he has persisted and actually done some great contributions, which are often far beyond the job that others have done...
WELL, LET'S SAY HIS NAME IS...
For the related pieces in this adventure into another man's life, we will call him Daniel, so we don't have to use the name "Man-Angel". But he still is "Daniel, the Man-Angel".
FOLLOWING THE STORY, LEARNING
The objective is to set up enough of a sequence of pieces of his story for you to follow and learn from - and make decisions that will improve your life.
The story is currently being constructed, but you can see some parts of it and get value from the pieces at the page The Story Of Daniel.
