THE CHECKLIST FOR WHAT TO NOT TRY TO CONTROL
DROP THESE AND YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE DRAMATICALLY!
If you drop/reduce these you'll stop wasting time and effort - and you can put that time and effort into what you can control to get what you want in life. (And you'll probably piss off a lot fewer people!)
__ Changing anything about someone else (it doesn't work, it is often alienating)
__ Somebody else's stupidity, shortsightedness, prejudice
__ Convince somebody else to change their religious, political, or life beliefs (see
__ Helping (or feeling obligated to help) anyone else (unless you have permission
and they will have a high chance of changing) - Effort is almost always wasted;
don't be naive about it; well-meaning does not mean effective.
__ Criticizing, blaming, fault (manipulative, attempt at control)
__ Trying to get someone else to "do it for you"
__ Give approval to you
__ Give love to you (instead give love and be integrous, but you can't control if
they will love you for these - if you try, it will often be like a transaction).
__ Rescue you
__ Any form of codependence
__ Bribery, being loving at the expense of another
__ Rescuing (in terms of doing something for someone else that they could do for
themselves - and thusly serving to weaken them and increase codependence;
often motivated by "love" but, instead, it is harmful.)
__ Any event that is not in your control (since it is a waste of effort!)
that you will be able to do something effective going forward in time see
sake, learn this well, as it is essential to avoiding hell in one's life!)
__ Anything that is ineffective for control (i.e. it doesn't work!)
__ Sugar to increase energy or to feel better (not effective as one thinks, learn
what works instead)
__ Distractions to relieve anxiety (as a primary strategy, it deals with symptoms not
the cause of anxiety)
__ Dealing with symptoms instead curing the cause (short term effect is far less
effective and dealing with symptoms allows the cause to stay in place)
__ Trying to fill the wrong need (e.g. jack energy up with sugar, caffeine, etc. when
actually need more sleep; feeling anxiety but thinking hungry and eating)
__ Anything too far out from the central rings of importance
WHAT SHOULD I DO INSTEAD?
(A partial list, but a meaningful one. From this, you can logically expand it into more of the specifics of what you might do.)
__ Set a good example of not trying to control what is not controllable and/or ineffective.
__ Give appreciation, encouragement, validation, support to others. Support them in their dreams (but don't try to control their being more effective!)
__ Spend the time and effort to get what you want and to take care of yourself.
__ Spend your time learning how to be more effective, so you'll have the power to give more and to get more for yourself (the latter will allow you to feel you have "enough" and it will therefore allow you to give freely, without feeling a sacrifice).
__ Don't be concerned about others (in terms of your having to help them), but do be empathetic and supportive and, if they ask or give permission, help them (only) when you think it may actually be helpful (but note those who cannot be helped, coached, or contributed to, as they will get no benefit because of their lack of followthrough or openness and you will have just blown your time - perhaps even get a new friend instead)
__ And once you get more than you need (and even before that) just contribute to others.