If you drop/reduce these you'll stop wasting time and effort - and you can put that time and effort into what you can control to get what you want in life.  (And you'll probably piss off a lot fewer people!)

__ Changing anything about someone else (it doesn't work, it is often alienating)
     (See Trying To Correct, Fix, And/Or Control Others.)
    __ Somebody else's stupidity, shortsightedness, prejudice
    __ Convince somebody else to change their religious, political, or life beliefs (see
          Cutting Out What Makes No Sense)
    __ Helping (or feeling obligated to help) anyone else (unless you have permission
         and they will have a high chance of changing) - Effort is almost always wasted;
         don't be naive about it; well-meaning does not mean effective.
         (See People Are As People Are - Don't Expect Otherwise!
     __ Giving advice
     __ Criticizing, blaming, fault (manipulative, attempt at control)
          __ Taking Someone Else's Inventory  

__ Trying to get someone else to "do it for you"

    __ Give approval to you
    __ Give love to you (instead give love and be integrous, but you can't control if
            they will love you for these - if you try, it will often be like a transaction).
    __ Rescue you
    __ Any form of codependence
            (See Dependence, Independence, And Interdependence)

__ Bribery, being loving at the expense of another

   __ Rescuing (in terms of doing something for someone else that they could do for
        themselves - and thusly serving to weaken them and increase codependence;
        often motivated by "love" but, instead, it is harmful.)

__ Any event that is not in your control (since it is a waste of effort!)
       (This is about Accepting Reality, knowing that pain will sometimes occur BUT
        that you will be able to do something effective going forward in time see
        Undesired Outcomes OK Or Not? and be clear on how this works.  For Heaven's
        sake, learn this well, as it is essential to avoiding hell in one's life!)

__ Anything that is ineffective for control (i.e. it doesn't work!)
    __ Sugar to increase energy or to feel better (not effective as one thinks, learn
          what works instead)
    __ Distractions to relieve anxiety (as a primary strategy, it deals with symptoms not
          the cause of anxiety) 
    __ Dealing with symptoms instead curing the cause (short term effect is far less
          effective and dealing with symptoms allows the cause to stay in place)
    __ Trying to fill the wrong need (e.g. jack energy up with sugar, caffeine, etc. when
          actually need more sleep; feeling anxiety but thinking hungry and eating)
    __ Anything too far out from the central rings of importance


(A partial list, but a meaningful one.  From this, you can logically expand it into more of the specifics of what you might do.)

__ Set a good example of not trying to control what is not controllable and/or ineffective.
__ Give appreciation, encouragement, validation, support to others.  Support them in their dreams (but don't try to control their being more effective!)
__ Spend the time and effort to get what you want and to take care of yourself.
__ Spend your time learning how to be more effective, so you'll have the power to give more and to get more for yourself (the latter will allow you to feel you have "enough" and it will therefore allow you to give freely, without feeling a sacrifice).
__ Don't be concerned about others (in terms of your having to help them), but do be empathetic and supportive and, if they ask or give permission, help them (only) when you think it may actually be helpful (but note those who cannot be helped, coached, or contributed to, as they will get no benefit because of their lack of followthrough or openness and you will have just blown your time - perhaps even get a new friend instead)
__ And once you get more than you need (and even before that) just contribute to others.

Control, Its Proper Use:  Stop The Waste, Increase Power - Makes a huge difference! 

Toss Out All The Dependency-Based Beliefs - They No Longer Apply - You are no longer dependent for what you need. 


(These links may be broken at times.)

Controlling Other People - Why Do Some People Try To Do That?