ESTABLISHING YOUR WHYS!
DEEP EMOTIONAL MOTIVATIONS TO A GREATER LIFE
WITHOUT THE NEGATIVES!
EMOTIONAL CONTENT
A goal identified but with no emotional element to it is a "good idea" but most often not enough to motivate us much.
We are driven by motivations (as part of our machine).
We want to get rid of pain and get more of what feels good. That is our "motivation", besides "to conserve energy". (See The Motivational Triad.)
Although both of those will motivate, the pain one seems to be the most motivating.
We evolved (and it worked of course) to avoid danger - avoidance of which caused us to survive. Until we've handled whatever our belief is about what has us survive better in life, we do not have much space for the feel good stuff and the higher more valuable activities - they are largely closed out. We want to "not feel bad" - and until we solve those things that have us feel bad we will not be able to seek or obtain true happiness.
What happens if you have a pain or avoidance why?
You "kill" yourself and your life.
Some people have create a why that is based on erroneous beliefs that lead us into seeking something that cannot be achieved and which costs us anxiety and painful emotions. For instance, some create a "why" of seeking to be approved of, to avoid criticism, or to achieve in order to feel worthy. In this "tainted why", a person will often spend his energy defending against not being enough or not being worthy. He will make excuses, he will distract himself from his pain with low value or harmful activities. He will get locked into the fixed mindset of feeling he is defending his very being. Such a way of living life is full of toxics and bad emotions. The "why" is "to stave off fear" rather than seeking actual value.
While getting something good is motivating, the more emotional why is all about pain and getting rid of it. If we try to get rid of the pain of feeling unworthy by seeking approval and by avoiding criticism, we will find ourselves worsening one's life because we are letting our lives be run by our fear of not being worthy.
Constantly overcommitting and busying myself and trying to do enough to be worthy. I am constantly
Instead, I would say we need to put a bit of a twist on this. We need to tap into the emotional why of "getting rid of all of this pain" and eliminating the attitudes and beliefs that are causing it.
I will not put up with my continually have fears of whether someone will approve of me. Those fears are too painful. I shall not tolerate this any more. I will learn what I need to learn and do what I need to do to get rid of it. I will come out the other end happy and at peace with myself. I will do anything to solve this.
EXAMPLE
Here, we "derived" a positive goal, from the negative emotional whys, to produce several key positive goal statements. This is one example of one "goal":
To like myself and to feel good about myself.
"I am constantly during the day feeling generalized anxiety, asking myself 'am I doing the right thing?'
My mind questions my every act, so that I am always self-evaluating and finding myself coming up short. This is my biggest problem.
I have tried very hard to use my time wisely so that I can "like myself" when my "turn on earth" is over. That has been a goal that has been uppermost in my mind since before I had children. Due to this, I end up overfilling my days.
I hate that I am fat, and having people thinking I am fat."
I will not accept those and being caught in this trap every day of my life! And I will eradicate them and learn how to like myself and to feel good about myself!
DISCUSSION OF THE WAY TO STATE THIS
It is hard to reach a "negative" goal, so we created a new but positive goal that represented the good outcome we wanted, instead of trying to have an outcome of just "not feeling bad anymore". Of course, fully acknowledging the pain of feeling bad IS the emotional why...
Your happiness.
Contribution.
Health and feeling good
A sense of efficacy, life competence
Your children.
