VALUING WHAT TURNS OUT NOT TO BE VALUABLE
SHOULDN'T WE DEFINE THIS EARLIER AND BETTER?
draft, but the idea is clear (just needs to be edited)
Basically, if we do not have sufficient "data", we will think that something is of value when it really isn't and/or we'll think something is of little value when it actually is highly valuable. That's what this piece is about.
Besides "lack of knowing", there is a whole array of things that we value wrongly because we've bought into some cultural myth or because we developed some wrong ideas of what is valuable from childhood. One of the key problems is that we often spend alot of energy trying to solve things from the past by misusing current circumstances in a way that will not achieve solution or resolution.
A "culprit" in these misvaluing perception is misinterpreting "emotions" as meaning something that they don't, and giving primtiive brain conclusions credibility when they are not at all accurate.
NOT KNOWING WHAT IS OF VALUE, INSUFFICIENT PERSPECTIVE
After being asked if he would like to improve his relationship skills, a 20-something quizzically stated that that was not something he wanted to do, as he just wanted sex and that's it. And, further, he questioned why he would want to earn much money, as all he really wanted to do was hang out with his old high school buddies and drink and party. (His father commented at one time that his son's version of thinking of the long term was in terms of minutes and that "years" were not even something he could fathom. Everything had to be right now, stimulating or numbing, and lots of fun.)
However, he soon found himself married and having a child, but with no clue how to have a great relationship - and certainly no clue how to select the right wife or the right mother for his children. Of course, he couldn't get the right wife because he was certainly not very qualified nor skillful nor did he have the right values in regard to an intimate relationship. Everything still seemed to be about now, about the short term, and still about immediate gratification, for he had virtually no concept about "the long term".
He did value his children and cared alot for them, but he still chose not to learn much about how to be a good parent nor about how to have his kids develop into adults who could handle life well. And he continued to set a not-so-good example for them to copy, as children do. He had a good role model of caring from his parents, who were great at having family get togethers and at caring (though dad was often working). He "valued" his children and family, but he continued what he saw from his parents, without trying to learn more about how to be a good parent. It seems his parents often "enabled" his dependency and rescued him from some of his challenges. This resulted in him being a low achiever out in the real world. No person is to be judged for what they have learned - but it is still true that a person must learn more of what works if that person is to have a better life. So he learned how to manipulate his parents and to be rescued by them, well into his 30's and into his 40's, never quite growing out of it.
He had some very good "values" examples from his parents, whom he admired and would try to emulate. But he had little basis or clue for how to reach those values nor did he know what lessons from his parents were right or wrong. It seemed that one of the beliefs of his parents, despite being concerned about the children having a sense of entitlement, that "just as we have done and what has worked for us is to just live life and learn as you go" - a false belief that does not work. (See this discussed in Authentic, Effective Learning, Real Learning - To Get What You Really Want In Life.)
Although it may look like we have gone a bit afield from our discussion about values, the point is that it is imperative that people spend the time to learn, and to get from reliable sources, what is actually of value in life - otherwise the huge potential of life is wasted, never being aware of how good it could really be - and how much better it could be is not just a little, but 10 to 100+ times better. But the latter is hard to see if one hasn't really studied the parts that compose life.
