BLOWING YOUR SELF OUT OF ALL PROPORTION TO REALITY
(DON'T MOST OF US?)
Rough, but the idea is clear!
The standard catchy phrase: If you want to get an idea of how important you are to the world, stick your finger in water and pull it out and notice whether there is still a hole or not.
"In proportion" is fine. "Out of proportion" is "not helpful"!
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In an effort to get "enough" approval and to prove ourselves "enough", we tend to see ourselves and how we are feeling as super-important compared to everybody else. (And/or we have so much Self Concern that inflates our focus on self, that little room is left over for other, or for life.)
But we aren't one iota more (or less) important (or worthy) than anyone else.
Well, we are, in a sense, but only to ourselves, where we are in fact, in our head, are 1,000's of times more important than anyone else. However, we have to recognize that that is simply "to ourselves", as we are no more important than anyone else on earth from a neutral observer's view. We are all seeking the same exact thing: to have a good life, to lessen our suffering, to get recognition and love, to have peace of mind and to be happy. The only difference as to where we are in terms of acquired knowledge and awareness and abilities is due to the luck of our birth and our circumstances. (Read Your Path Is Your Only Path Attainable Under The Circumstances.)
Somehow we see our show of smarts to be much more significant than others showing their smarts. We see the focus as on us, whereas most people are simply focusing on themselves. And their opinions matter not, unless it is a significant financial or relationship person.
Based on that reality, then we would get far less out of being recognized for how cool we are than if we did the same for another person. Everybody should read and then reread Dale Carnegie's super-seller How To Win Friends And Influence People - it'll do alot more for you than being the smartest or "most important" person in the room.
taking things personally
YOUR ACTUAL RELATIVE IMPORTANCE
You are a mere grain of sand on the beach of life, one of 7 billion people, all of whom consider themselves (in survival terms) to be the most important (to themselves). You have no implicit importance to the world and can have only a miniscule effect on it.
Does that mean you have no "importance"? Yes, in a sense, to the world. But, of course, you (your body and your mind) have super-importance, infinite importance - but only to yourself. Some people would say that means nothing if it isn't importance given to them by the outside world - but that is a royally false belief - and a very self harmful one. We create the "value" and "meaning" for ourselves and all in our world. Until you understand that, you'll be stuck in old and false beliefs. (See The Meaning Of Meaning - Something To Be Clear About.)
People seek importance from others almost instinctually, as "being valued" by others was essential to survival for primitive tribal man (and still appears that way to a child and any adult who retains the child point of view). It is important to wrap your brains around the reality of what is true, as we humans often blow this totally out of proportion and misuse it and even cause ourselves lots of needless stress over it. We no longer are dependent on being valued, yet we persist in believing "the old way." (See Understanding The Nature Of Social Status - For Some, Another "Not Enough" Problem, A Fear.)
What you tell yourself: "It really matters what this person thinks of me." Reality: No, it doesn't.
If you sincerely do what you can to do what is right and are not offensive, there will be enough people who respect you enough not to kick yuou out into the jungle... and you'll do just fine in life. (There are only a very, very few people who are important enough to your life to have enough concern about - see the Concentric Rings piece.
What you tell yourself: "I have to prove myself to people..." Reality: No, not really. Mostly never. It's not worth wasting any energy on, when you could do so much more good with that energy.
Well, I get to be in the prestigious group to hang around with the elites. Yes, that's fine, but it doesn't increase your real importance as a person. Your pride has a faux value.
We get confused about "having to look good to others" to impress them. We simply don't, largely, as we are not children anymore and we are not dependent any more. We need to be sure that we are the ones judging what we do by our own value system and not letting others run our life (by having ourselves kowtowing to them to get a stamp of importance or okness from them). (Relevant reading: "They" - The Fictional "Big People" Running Your Life? )
We also get confused between having actual value in our "self" and thinking that we can get that value from others - as we can't. We become so automatic about thinking that our goal is to get approval that we lose sight of our true goals. To get approval is not the end goal, it is only a possible means to get to our end goal. (See Confusing The "Means To" With The True Goal - A Mistake That Can Cost You Much Of Your Life - and read the linked piece from that page on "so that" goals. It is better to go as directly as possible to the end goal and not to overdo it on "means goals", like money, fame, being liked and such.)
THE PRIDE OF BEING ABOVE OTHERS
Few would admit this and/or see the connection.
You say: "I get more ideas than the other people. You should see how great I was in that meeting."
Yes, that is good that you have such a great idea flow. But are you coming from the position that that gives you status and impresses others???
Are you letting that run your life rather than go for something that is of actual value?
(Write me on this if you want me to close any "open-ended" loops for you, where I haven't answered completely what the logic of a conclusion is.)
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NOBODY IS THINKING ABOUT YOU
"I promise you: Nobody is thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves - just like you."
Liberate yourself!
(He is a billionaire philanthropist, successful in life and business
