THE OVERLY BUSY PERSON
AND WHY HE CAN'T GET UNBUSY - VERSUS THE WORLD OF REALITY
IS IT JUST CIRCUMSTANCES?
The overly busy person seems to somehow believe he is overly busy because of circumstances and other people, so he ends up being a victim of circumstances. (Of course, he could consider that to be an insult and deny it, but it is actually almost always the truth.) This "crazy busy" person keeps on using the same strategies that don't work and cause the same time problems, and the same habits and the same "giving in" and the same "well, it's just one more item" and if I delegate maybe then.... And the person just never "gets better" and life never gets better.
There is a repertoire based on beliefs that result in misvaluing his own time and trying not to displease or trying to please others or based on operating in a theoretical, unreal world. He doesn't "get it" that the first priority in life is always his own emotional well-being and physical well-being.
THE SAME OLD STORY
Although the details change for each extra task, project, or position taken on, the "story" is the same old story, over and over and over, so he gets to live the same day (situation) over and over and over, not realizing that he is living his version of Groundhog Day and his version of Living The Life Of A Gradually Boiling Frog - living in his life of illusion and delusion until it finally ends with a big crash (hitting bottom) or death (which is often the only way he will stop, usually in huge regret at the end of his life).
The worst of all, he and his spouse end up paying the price, losing the value of his life instead of living it and not having a good relationship at the same time - after all, it cannot all fit in... (He cannot Have It All.)
These are the components, to be arranged in different order, but always arguing against the prudence of putting his foot down, drawing boundaries, thinking he is important enough, reasonable limits... all leading to "not now", but "later" when the pressure will be off and it'll resolve itself...
THE "WHY NOT"S
Not now:
I can't quit now. I'm so necessary. I'm obligated. [As if he isn't more obligated to himself and his life and to his relationship!]
Credibility, influence, power
I need to please so and so "up there" or I'll lose my credibility.
I might lose my influence if I get out of touch...
Will get assistance:
They'll get someone else to help. I'll just have to do it until then...
And, then, "They're just not getting anybody. So I'm stuck..."
Others just don't do the job
People are letting me down (and I dare not let anybody else down)
Other people just don't care (enough, like they "should" care)
They just don't care.
Other people just don't care much or as much as me.
So I better do it.
It's up to me.
Well, nobody will do it if I don't do it. We'll lose the whole thing. (But nobody else values it enough to do, so what does it matter?)
It's my responsibility.
It won't take much time:
I'll just put a little effort into it, I'll delegate it, but the people didn't follow through, so I had to do it myself...
But it's no big thing, just a few minutes... [And then he chokes his pipeline off with lots of "little things".)
Later:
Things will be better later.
It'll work out...
If only...happens, then it'll all work out.
I told them I couldn't, but...
I've gotta do this. I can't just draw a line and say I can't do it or I don't have the time...
They convinced me over my own objections. They didn't have anybody else. If I don't do this, then they'll have to go to alot of work to get someone else.
But they needed me. No one else could do it.
The lament, soon forgotten
My life is out of control. I can't fit it all in, but I'll keep this and this, and then I end up being behind and stressed, and then the people are disappointed
Misplaced or out of line values
I will give up my very life, as it is not important.
I only do what's more important when I am forced to do it (cut down, free up time for my health or my spouse).
BEHAVING AS THE PROVERBIAL ADDICT
He might as well be a drug addict. He can't give up the busyness or the habits that lead to being too busy. Like the addict who says this: "Well, I'll limit my daily intake of booze and I'll be just fine", but it never works out. "Well, it should work out. Maybe this time it will. I know I can do it, this time."
Being too busy is a way of "getting an adrenaline hit". And the person ends up, as in all addictions, becoming less responsive to the hit, while he is spiraling downward and becoming numb in the life, focused not on the end-goals of life but on his believed source of his life - the addiction. See Addictions Of All Types and learn how they always work to one's detriment (that is, if you're not too busy to learn and get better..).
DOES THIS APPLY TO YOU?
If this is you, perhaps you can add a few more statements that work to perpetuate the problem - and then decide not use them and any of the others above!
