MY EXIT FROM LIFE
THE SEMI-EULOGY OF KEITH D. GARRICK ON THE WAY OUT...
(Not really finished yet, but either am I. And if per chance I do not get to finish it before I die, I won't really feel bad about it anyway...)
As I exit this life, perhaps with a natural impulse to whimper, perhaps with pain and dementia, I will do all I can to remember that this dying is but a small piece of life, of my life experience. (And I'll be relieved of the memory of this pain very soon…so it is small stuff.)
I've had pain before, too, much of it needlessly self-caused out of my "not yet knowing" better. But in proportion to the rest of my life, the neutral time, the good times, and a few really great times - and even super meaningful times - totaled to something far, far greater.
Though I never achieved "perfection", I did, later, as I had the time, achieve a pretty high level of wisdom. I certainly sought it diligently. Of course, it was for myself, but part of what drove me was what I thought it could do for others.
I have been so moved by the suffering of others that I wanted to devise some way that I could massively help to relieve that suffering - and then help them to turn it into happiness that they would then have the skill to pass on to others.
I realized that maybe that was a Don Quixote venture, but I could not think of anything else that I would love to do with the rest of my life. (And I did get knocked down by a few windmill blades - but I never suffered from it, as I just got up and dusted myself off and said to myself "at least I am making some progress" and "I think I am doing the right thing, a good thing." And I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do anyway!)
All that matters is what matters to me, for we "make our own meaning of life and what is in it", what we value. From what we value, we create meaning, meaning determines what matters to us.
And, I do have, still, a fantasy that my "works" would be put together into a giant volume (or volumes) of wisdom and how to run life - perhaps a classic, from which many people could mine the material with which to build a great life.
A while back, I decided to answer, for myself, how to accept that death would happen and that I would have no memory of having lived. Ordinarily that would mean that it meant nothing. I'm not concerned whether people will remember me, for I know I will soon be forgotten or the memory of me will fade far into the background. If they do or don't, it'll not matter to me at that point in time and thereafter. (I like that little metaphor by Louis L'Amour: “You stick your finger in the water and you pull it out, and that is how much of a hole you leave when you're gone.” I certainly don't feel bad about that.)
Yes, it would be a pleasant thought to think that there is another life in the "hereafter", but I think that is so remote a possibility as to be infinitesmal. So, since death will happen anyway, I might as well learn to accept it, though I could put it out of mind as many people do, in a form of denial perhaps. Of course, I won't be thinking about it much during my days or nights, but it will crop up - and if I can have it be "ok, I will die, but meanwhile I'm having the experience of a miracle existence…what the heck, that is pretty darned great".
And then I can die happily thereafter…
So, now, I will just live and I'll laugh at danger and at life and I'll not make a big deal of "possible losses" or even actual losses. I know that a loss is but a gain given back and that all my losses (all my "givebacks") are but a super small bit of all that I have gained in my life. Of course, the biggest one is just to have been alive. What a great deal!
And, if this is being read at my funeral or my small but cozy memorial service of a select few, then all I want you to know is that all that matters is how you here will live your lives. I hope that it will be with the greatest wisdom and love for life and for those you care about - and that your happiness will be deep and enduring, completely unconditional, as you remember all the great gains in your life!
