REASONS WHY NOT
ARE THEY HELPFUL OR HARMFUL?
Lets' revisit the use of "reasons why not" and review its consequences:
"There are two things in life: Success or reasons why not."
Anonymous
Note the "or". The two cannot occupy the same space at the same time!
"Reasons why not" serve as bricks with which we pave the road to hell...
THE EFFECT?
When we attempt to assuage others or ourselves with reasons why not, are we really doing good or are we harming them. Sure, it is "good" to be sympathetic, but that is a moralistic concept. The question is more of an ethical one of "are we produced a desired result of true value?"
Most often it appears that this does not result in anything good..
Perhaps the only harm might be that it displaces the forwarding thinking that could be in that same space.
Wouldn't it be better to close the door and not give anyone an excuse to not do what it takes to make themselves better off?
STAYING STUCK ON THE SAME PATH
One big dilemma in the U.S., and, indeed, in the world is that we tend to stay stuck in what we know based on what our parents knew or didn't know.
Indeed, Charles Murray writes in Coming Apart how the statistics show, using caucasians only, that the poor tend to almost always perpetuate themselves into being poor throughout the succeeding generations, which means they'll make no progress and tend to be even poorer in some cases (indolence, a sense of entitlement, a hating of the rich, etc.). The more well off will also perpetuate, but in an upward pattern, being more progressive and growing toward higher expectations - so they make more progress.
The two "come apart", just like a mathematical graph where one line is growing at 0% and another is compounding at 7%, doubling every 10 years while the others are standing still. (And, since thewealth levels of the well off started compounding at a higher level, the gap is more huge!) But people do not understand the basic physics of it all - and that "not knowing" causes "unsmart" thinking and poor conclusions, often unthinkingly emotional.
The problem is that the bottom end will complain about how unfair the inequality is - and in that complaining mode they are perpetuating part of the reason they haven't progressed, attributing the problem to forces (people and circumstances) "out there", instead of taking responsibility for their lives and improving their skills. (Note the "mathematics of inequality" by understanding what Einstein called the most powerful force in the universe Compounding And Accumulating In Life.)
Bill Cosby is engaged in a "no excuses" campaign to get his race to be responsible and to better themselves instead of blaming. And people blame him for racism. Charles Murray in his first book on the subject of coming apart included black people in the poor segment - and was accused of being a racist - so he wrote his next book with only whites in it. (While I'm not saying there isn't racism somewhere, I am saying that overusing the race card can so obscure the argument for not blaming and for taking responsible action that it, out of a seemingly positive motivation, creates a net negative impact on the very people whom we want to help.)
If we start to look rationally and to ask the questions of "what are the facts and causes of the problem, objectively?" and then "what can we do to solve the causes and prevent the problem?, we have a greater chance of coming up with more beneficial approaches. Although difficult and seemingly impractical and "against all odds and the mass of staying where people already are", the key impactful action is to somehow intervene in the trajectory/path with a positive intervening force via education, job training, and life/responsibility training - otherwise how can our hopes possibly come into fruition?
WE SHALL STAY ON THE SAME PATH UNLESS...
Briefly alluded to above, the other major problem is a problem of "physics": an object (even a person) will automatically stay on the same path, from "momentum" and direction, unless an intervening force alters that. If we want to do well for others in life, we must be that intervening force, rather than the one that simply says "well, I understand, those poor victims are that way because...". (See The Path Of Life, and the links to The Law Of Inertia And Momentum and a few other key pieces worthwhile understanding and implementing in one's life.)
YOU CAN'T NAVIGATE FROM THE BACK OF THE BOAT
Spend our times "looking back", trying to repair the past or regretting (a form of trying to repair) it. But no captain of a ship would do well by trying to navigate by standing in the back looking at the wake. (A very good memorable phrase from my LifeSpring Basic training.)
An individual I know who is well trained, very intelligent, and very diligent always has a reason why something got in the way, why he "had to", why someone else made him do it, etc. and etc., but it would be better for him to step forward to the front of his boat quickly after figuring out what happened and to ask himself "what do I need to do next time that will work better?" and not dwell for a second beyond observation and analysis time on the looking backward.
If we remove our "problem of feeling bad" about our not succeeding by using "justifications" or if someone else removes it in their efforts to sympathize with us, then we are "let off the hook" to do something positive, as we have achieved our objective of not feeling bad anymore. The sympathizing person might feel good about being sympathetic because that is seen as "good" in most societies, but the problem is that the result is that the other person is not benefited and, indeed, harmed by it - and certainly that is not the desired result!
"Oh, you're ok, poor little thing. You're the victim of those awful people [fill in the blank of who]. Don't worry, you're justified for feeling bad, you're not responsible, they are responsible for it..." Etc. The last sentence is usually not said out loud, but it is the implication, or at least the possible inference. At some point, we need to stop reinforcing that person (or ourselves) and perhaps we should encourage him or ourselves to be trained to be self inquiring and to look for ways to keep himself on the growth curve and to aggresively solve and overcome the problem!
Yes, this individual I know agonizes over the problems and speaks and intends to "seek growth" (but is it actually attempting to not make mistakes and/or avoid disapproval), but he stays stuck, mostly, in the "fixed, defensive mindset" of defending how smart he is and/or why he isn't bad or dumb.
Read The Fixed Mindset Versus The Growth Mindset - and figure out a way you can be your own "intervening force" for yourself causing your own constantly upward growth curve. Note that we can observe the evidence and make a "derivative" logical conclusion that a person is in the fixed mindset if he is perpetually experiencing the same problems that continue over his lifetime. His "growth" curve and life look like a straight line instead of an exponentially growing upward curve.
TO BE IN THE FRONT, YOU MUST GET OUT FROM THE BACK
The "back of the boat" is always indicated by speaking of any justification or reason why not. Notice that very successful people do not make excuses. They just acknowledge that the results are not what was desired and then they fix whatever needs to be fixed.
In case this is unclear, what I am saying is: Never, never, ever, every make excuses, justify why not, and cough up reasons why not. Never, ever. It's not worthy of your life and your aims in life. It'll get in the way.
Change this, and you will change your life, as you cut yourself off from doing things that victims do and you only do what winners do.
